I have struggled with my weight for all of my 39 1/2 years. It’s hard for me to even write this post because I usually like to ignore the fact that I am extremely overweight. Morbidly obese. Gawd, I HATE that terminology. It’s makes me sound like a whale that’s been beached. But really, when I am honest with myself, that’s what I am: a beached whale. My weight has become the thing that prohibits me from enjoying a great deal of things in life.
Clearly, it’s time to make a change.
Not only have I struggled with my weight, I have yo-yo’ed with it too. I will lose a great deal only to gain it back. Even though I was pretty thin in my youth, I was never very active or healthy. So, what I am learning now is that reversing a life time of bad habits is extremely hard. Made even harder by a man who loves me exactly as I am.
Exactly as I am. Weight and all.
Don’t get me wrong, being loved solely for myself is a magnificent thing and something that I never thought I would find. He’s kind, loving, considerate and never, ever brings my weight up. Even when it’s glaring right at us in a multitude of ways. He’s a big guy too and I absolutely hate that we might be looked at as the “fat couple”. We are so much more than that. Plus, I just found true love five years ago, I don’t want either of us to die early.
I deserve to do this for myself and as hard as it will be, I tell myself that I can do this. And in the sense of my health, I feel like this year, 2013, the year that I will celebrate my 40th birthday, is really the now or never. I am already on the verge of being a Type 2 diabetic, my joints continually hurt and my heart does a concerning ache sometimes that’s becoming harder to ignore. All of my years of yo-yo’ing, eating junk and not exercising have caught up with me.
If I don’t change now, this weight will kill me eventually. I know this. You never see old fat people just running around enjoying their retirement. I guess that’s where that “morbidly obese” things come into play. The weight will kill me. I have ignored that plain fact for so long that it’s almost as if I am typing the words but not processing them. Either way, I refuse to be 40-year-old and on diabetic medication. Not only do I hate taking meds, but I REALLY hate having to prick my finger every single day.
In an effort to bring these changes to fruition, I have created a Facebook group for friends that are changing to a healthy lifestyle too. I figure the more people who I surround myself with, then the greater my chance of being successful. Plus, I tend to like attention when I have done a good job. *See my previous post about graduation. What better way to win praise then to lose a ton of weight??
My blog won’t become completely about my weight loss journey but I will be talking a lot about it. I believe, especially as women, that this is a topic that has saturated our lives and we all have walked this road in one realm or another. I look forward to sharing, being held accountable and of course, hearing how great I am doing!
What are you doing for yourself in 2013?