The Pink Pills Make Me the Happiest

Hearts Will Break


First, I must say that I am a terrible blogger. That whole “post a day” challenge went right out the window once school started earlier this week. For now, I will do my very best to post at least three times a week.

In other news, on Wednesday night, I had a date with my oldest son, Isaiah. It seems that we rarely have any one on one time anymore. At 15 years old, the last thing he wants to do is hang out with dear old mom. However, we have a standing monthly date where we go to The Repertory Theatre and watch a play on opening night. We have seen “The Lion King”, “The King & I”, “Hamlet”, “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat”, “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof”, “A Christmas Story” and most recently “A Raisin in the Sun”. I cherish this time that belongs to only us because not only does it  impart a bit of culture on him but also, I am bestowed with a few hours of his utmost attention.

When I say “utmost attention”, I mean minus the non stop texting that he does on his smartphone. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am as addicted to texting as he so I realize that I set a bad example. However, during the play the other night, I almost broke his thumb to get him to stop texting some little girl. He is quite popular with the ladies. Isaiah has already been through one serious break up earlier this year and I dread the next one.

I remember how my break ups went as a teenage and since Isaiah’s personality is so similar to mine, I wish I could spare him a tiny amount of inevitable hurt.

Jake looked just like Donnie Wahlberg in New Kids on The Block and I loved him. I had just celebrated my 15th birthday and he was my first “real” boyfriend. He rode his bike over to see me during the summer and we watched movies in the basement at my mom’s house. I cried uncontrollably the night before he went to visit his Dad in another state for vacation. Funny though, I can’t remember why or how we broke up. Certainly, it was devastating for me and it happened right as I entered high school.

If I pin point when my self-esteem hit rock bottom and I began slutting myself out for attention, the break up with Jake was the beginning. The details are sketchy but he dumped me and I nose-dived. I spent my tenth grade year on a marathon sprint to lose my virginity and find someone, anyone, to love me. Little did I know how many more times my heart would take a severe beating. I have never been one to do anything detrimental for myself in a half ass way.

After Jake, high school continued with Harley, Theo, Lloyd, Gino – I loved them all- and developed crushes on more boys than I can remember now. I even fell for a girl, a close friend whom I would love well after high school but that is another blog for another day. My heart has always been an equal opportunity employer. I would leave high school, battered and bruised  (emotionally and physically) and as loveless as my journey began.

My son is going to be involved in the business of heart breaking; his own or his girlfriends, not sure which way the cards will fall yet. But someone will be hurt. That’s just what happens when you experience teenage love. I hope we (myself, my mom, Kelli, my Dad) have instilled a strong sense of self in him. While I appreciate that he shares my humor, my wit and my intelligence; I never want him to travel my long road to finding self-worth.

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Comments on: "Hearts Will Break" (8)

  1. awww….. How do you tell your child that? I know they have to make their own mistakes and forge their own paths…. But is there anything we say as parents?

    • Being a parent is certainly not an easy task. I know he must learn from his mistakes but I HATE to see him doing things that caused me pain.

  2. I think you are providing your son with a great support system for when his heart gets broken. Let’s face it, being 15, that’s going to happen a few times!

    He knows you’re always there for him. That’s obvious by the way you don’t have to drag him kicking and screaming to date night (which by the way, I love). Have you ever told him the story of Jake and how much it affected you future? I remember as a kid, when I got my heart broke, I felt like I was the only person in the world to ever experience something that bad. Perhaps by knowing his mom has experienced it too, it might ease the pain a little.

    ~ shell

    • I am often surprised by how willingly he goes along to see the plays. Deep down, I think he really enjoys them.

      As far as his heart breaks, I have never told him that specific story but maybe I should. He is in bachelor mode right now, I think the break up scarred him a bit. I do try to let him know that the people in his life now wont matter at all in a few years.

  3. Love the mommy-son dates! As for the blog a day, do what you can. I fell behind this week, too. Don’t force a post, just let it come out naturally, like this one!

    • That’s good advice and I am going to try to live by that on this blog. Somedays, my hormones just won’t allow an original thought!

  4. When you put your heart into your writing like this post, your writing SHINES!! I’m so proud of you. There were only a couple of technical errors that a good editor will catch, or you on a second read, but not enough to interrupt the flow. This is your best piece yet.

    • So funny, Jodie because I was just rereading it and found a few errors. Usually I edit a bit better than this. Oh well. 🙂 Thanks for reading!

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