First, I must say that I am a terrible blogger. That whole “post a day” challenge went right out the window once school started earlier this week. For now, I will do my very best to post at least three times a week.
In other news, on Wednesday night, I had a date with my oldest son, Isaiah. It seems that we rarely have any one on one time anymore. At 15 years old, the last thing he wants to do is hang out with dear old mom. However, we have a standing monthly date where we go to The Repertory Theatre and watch a play on opening night. We have seen “The Lion King”, “The King & I”, “Hamlet”, “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat”, “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof”, “A Christmas Story” and most recently “A Raisin in the Sun”. I cherish this time that belongs to only us because not only does it impart a bit of culture on him but also, I am bestowed with a few hours of his utmost attention.
When I say “utmost attention”, I mean minus the non stop texting that he does on his smartphone. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am as addicted to texting as he so I realize that I set a bad example. However, during the play the other night, I almost broke his thumb to get him to stop texting some little girl. He is quite popular with the ladies. Isaiah has already been through one serious break up earlier this year and I dread the next one.
I remember how my break ups went as a teenage and since Isaiah’s personality is so similar to mine, I wish I could spare him a tiny amount of inevitable hurt.
Jake looked just like Donnie Wahlberg in New Kids on The Block and I loved him. I had just celebrated my 15th birthday and he was my first “real” boyfriend. He rode his bike over to see me during the summer and we watched movies in the basement at my mom’s house. I cried uncontrollably the night before he went to visit his Dad in another state for vacation. Funny though, I can’t remember why or how we broke up. Certainly, it was devastating for me and it happened right as I entered high school.
If I pin point when my self-esteem hit rock bottom and I began slutting myself out for attention, the break up with Jake was the beginning. The details are sketchy but he dumped me and I nose-dived. I spent my tenth grade year on a marathon sprint to lose my virginity and find someone, anyone, to love me. Little did I know how many more times my heart would take a severe beating. I have never been one to do anything detrimental for myself in a half ass way.
After Jake, high school continued with Harley, Theo, Lloyd, Gino – I loved them all- and developed crushes on more boys than I can remember now. I even fell for a girl, a close friend whom I would love well after high school but that is another blog for another day. My heart has always been an equal opportunity employer. I would leave high school, battered and bruised (emotionally and physically) and as loveless as my journey began.
My son is going to be involved in the business of heart breaking; his own or his girlfriends, not sure which way the cards will fall yet. But someone will be hurt. That’s just what happens when you experience teenage love. I hope we (myself, my mom, Kelli, my Dad) have instilled a strong sense of self in him. While I appreciate that he shares my humor, my wit and my intelligence; I never want him to travel my long road to finding self-worth.